Stars in their eyes......... - Good joke, this

[Dave_L]

Stars In Their Eyes


A young man walks onto the stage of Stars in their Eyes, on crutches,
with a plaster cast from his feet to his hips.

Matthew Kelly Introduces him as Simon. 'It's very brave of you to come
out here,' says Matthew. 'Please tell the audience what happened?'

'Well' replies Simon 'about a year ago, I was driving with my uncle when
we had a really bad accident.

Unfortunately my uncle was killed outright but I survived. I was trapped
in the car for six hours before I was eventually cut free.' 'The doctors
had me in surgery for 12 hours but they couldn't save my legs.'

'That's terrible. But I see you have legs now. Are they artificial?
'asks Matthew.

'No Matthew, while I was in hospital the doctors informed me that my
uncle had in fact died, but that his legs were fine and with all the
advances in medical science, they could graft the bottom half of his
body onto mine. As you can see the operation was successful.

I have been having physiotherapy for six months and hope to be walking
fully again by the end of the year. A huge round of applause erupts from
the audience.

Kelly responds with: 'That's an unbelievable story. So tonight, who are
you going to be?'

............

'Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be Simon and Halfuncle'

[lutonlagerlout]

dont give up tarmaccing dave..........................
lol
LLL

[Dave_L]

dont give up tarmaccing dave..........................
lol
LLL

Okay cheers for the vote of confidence Tony! :p

[bobhughes]

At a U2 concert in Glasgow, Bono asks the audience for some
quiet. Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.

Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the
microphone

"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A voice from near the front pierces the silence;

"Well, stop effing doing it then."