Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 8:55 pm
a very funny man when i was a bit younger
makes you laugh
My wife said to me: “If you won the lottery, would you still love me?� I said: “Of course I would. I’d miss you, but I’d still love you.�
- There’s a professor who’s crossed a chicken with a spider, he’s now got chickens with 8 legs! I said, ‘What does it taste like?� He said, ‘I don’t know, I haven’t caught any yet.’
- My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' lines of communication. He ate their pigeon.
- I don't think my wife likes me very much. When I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
- Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are at a Christmas party and each had to bring something to do with Christmas. Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, Scotsman brought a bag of holly and the Irishman brought a pair of knickers. I asked, ‘What’s that got to do with Christmas?’ He said, ‘They’re Carol’s.’
- A fella walks into a pet shop and says: “Give me a wasp.� The shopkeeper replies: “We don’t sell wasps.� He says: “There’s one in the window.�
Paddy calls a wrong number at 3am. "Is that O'Malley's Bar?," he asks. "No it's not, this is a private residence." "Oh, I must have the wrong number. Sorry to have troubled you," says Paddy. "Ah it's no trouble," says the stranger. "I had to get up to answer the phone anyway."
- A man goes into Boots and says: “Have you got custard?� “Do you have a prescription?,� asks the chemist. “No,� he replies, “But I’ve got a photograph of the wife...�
- An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband demanded to know who the other man was.
- A fella walked into hospital and the doctor said: “You’ve got three minutes to live.� The man said: “Can you do something for me?� “Yes,� he said. “I’ll boil you an egg.�
- I rang British Telecom. I said, “I want to report a nuisance caller.� He said: "Not you again.�
- A fella said to the doctor: “What’s the good news?� “You’ve got 24 hours to live.� He says: “What’s the bad news?� And the doc says: “We should have told you yesterday.�
LLL
makes you laugh
My wife said to me: “If you won the lottery, would you still love me?� I said: “Of course I would. I’d miss you, but I’d still love you.�
- There’s a professor who’s crossed a chicken with a spider, he’s now got chickens with 8 legs! I said, ‘What does it taste like?� He said, ‘I don’t know, I haven’t caught any yet.’
- My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' lines of communication. He ate their pigeon.
- I don't think my wife likes me very much. When I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
- Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are at a Christmas party and each had to bring something to do with Christmas. Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, Scotsman brought a bag of holly and the Irishman brought a pair of knickers. I asked, ‘What’s that got to do with Christmas?’ He said, ‘They’re Carol’s.’
- A fella walks into a pet shop and says: “Give me a wasp.� The shopkeeper replies: “We don’t sell wasps.� He says: “There’s one in the window.�
Paddy calls a wrong number at 3am. "Is that O'Malley's Bar?," he asks. "No it's not, this is a private residence." "Oh, I must have the wrong number. Sorry to have troubled you," says Paddy. "Ah it's no trouble," says the stranger. "I had to get up to answer the phone anyway."
- A man goes into Boots and says: “Have you got custard?� “Do you have a prescription?,� asks the chemist. “No,� he replies, “But I’ve got a photograph of the wife...�
- An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband demanded to know who the other man was.
- A fella walked into hospital and the doctor said: “You’ve got three minutes to live.� The man said: “Can you do something for me?� “Yes,� he said. “I’ll boil you an egg.�
- I rang British Telecom. I said, “I want to report a nuisance caller.� He said: "Not you again.�
- A fella said to the doctor: “What’s the good news?� “You’ve got 24 hours to live.� He says: “What’s the bad news?� And the doc says: “We should have told you yesterday.�
LLL
