50 Shades of Chav ( for those fed up of 50 Shades of Grey )
Quality.........."As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my velour tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight."
...
Another extract from my 2nd book 13 flavours of WKD. "It was Dwayne's birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight. His favourite position was what he called The Dogs of War. Where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time."
More from raunchy Chav fest 13 flavours of WKD. "Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant. I thought of this as he lay on top of me making love. His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for I love you"
Last extracts from the final book of the trilogy, My Tan was 11 Shades of Orange. "As I stood in line at the Job Centre thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind the Iceland. He had tied up his Staffy to block the ally way so we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same."
Final extract from the book 12 Shades of my Fake Tan. "My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to the violence but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he hit me. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had ****** his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from farm foods. He picked up the power lead from my kids mega drive and whipped it across my doughy ****. It stung but I liked it. I shouted again again so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces. As I looked over my shoulder I saw his Weetabix toothed smile. He even had a semi on which was rare.......
having got a wife at home reading through all the 50 shades of grey books, and having opened one up to read some drivel to see what all the fuss is about, i found this post hilarious! did you write it mark? could be a bestseller!
Dan the Crusher Man
01442 212315 www.crusherhire.co.uk
"a satisfied customer? we should have them stuffed!"
My mates wife has been reading this drivel for the past week or so and he reports that he's been on the nest four times, yes, you read it right, FOUR times.
I'm off to buy these books tomorrow for the wife in the wanton hope of...............
RW Gale Ltd - Civils & Surfacing Contractors based in Somerset
My mates wife has been reading this drivel for the past week or so and he reports that he's been on the nest four times, yes, you read it right, FOUR times.
have to say, it does work like that. :;):
Dan the Crusher Man
01442 212315 www.crusherhire.co.uk
"a satisfied customer? we should have them stuffed!"
My mates wife has been reading this drivel for the past week or so and he reports that he's been on the nest four times, yes, you read it right, FOUR times.
have to say, it does work like that. :;):
Hope so my missus has just started reading it! :;):
don't need a manual for sex to turn my wife on, she reckons i do it for her anytime. Us old 'uns are very knowledgeable in that dept'. Don't need books, sex toys, or custard. Young guys rely on outside forces to much. should get off their arses, off the playstation, off the net, go for a run, bike ride, swim etc and you'll be humping for england ( we need to win at something ). 50 shades of shite :;): :laugh:
seanandruby wrote:don't need a manual for sex to turn my wife on, she reckons i do it for her anytime. Us old 'uns are very knowledgeable in that dept'. Don't need books, sex toys, or custard. Young guys rely on outside forces to much. should get off their arses, off the playstation, off the net, go for a run, bike ride, swim etc and you'll be humping for england ( we need to win at something ). 50 shades of shite :;): :laugh:
Ha, reminds me of the Burtons boss Ralf Halpern in the mid 80`s when he was supposedly doing the business 5 times a night with that blonde.
Told the Mrs not to get any ideas, `do it once and do it right` is my mantra
