Joke

[James.Q]

A man joins an exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?" The man replies, "No, what do you mean?" She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, "Did you call for me?" says the hairy man.
"No,! what do you mean?" says the newcomer." You must be new," says the hairy man, "it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?", she says. The man yells,
"Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the £500 membership fee." "But, Sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a
few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities." The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 15 times a day."

[Suggers]

Just bought a teddy-bear for a fiver - named him Mohammed and sold him on for a tenner. Have I made a profit?

[eazybarra man]

heres a silly one! how do you get a big fat bird into bed? A piece of cake:D

[Artisan]

A sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a pint.

Barman replies, "sorry we don't serve food."

[eazybarra man]

pulled an old woman at a club last night.
She was well fit for 57.
We drank a bit, had a bit of a snog, and then she asked me if I had ever had a mother/daughter threesome. I said No.
She said " well tonights your lucky night:)
We went back to her house, she opened the door and shouted upstairs.


"MUM are you still awake?"

[J.D]

A woman brings 9 year old Johnny home and tells his mother, he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Jane her 9 year old daughter. Johnnys mother says " Lets not be to harsh on them ..... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age." " Curious about sex ?!?!?!!." replies Janes mother. " Hes taken her fu*king appendix out !!!"

[Tony McC]

You've probably heard this before, but it's appropriate for the last day at work this year...


One Christmas a long time ago Santa Claus had problems. Four of his elves were sick so Santa got behind schedule. Then Mrs Claus told Santa that her Mum was coming to visit; this stressed Santa even more. He went to see his reindeer and found that three of them were about to give birth. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh he dropped the toy bag and scattered the toys.

Santa went into the house for a shot of whiskey but the elves had drunk him dry.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. There was a little angel with a big Christmas tree. "Merry Christmas Santa�, said the angel, “Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?�

Thus began the tradition of the angel on top of the Christmas tree.

[seanandruby]

Merry f**kin xmas c***ts and a shit new b*****d year wan***S.
from me and everyone at the Tourettes syndrome society.
Family of prostitutes...Daughter "I got £50 for a blow job tonight."
Mother... "in my day we got a fiver."
Grandmother..."in my days we were glad of the warm drink."