Monday, September 10, 2007
Who dresses these eejits in the morning?
Is it national "Set Free A Moron" day? Has someone accidentally left open the gate to the asylum? Or is it just a concerted effort to raise my bloodpressure to the point where my heart goes "pop" once more?
I receive over 200 emails each day, and roughly half of these will be questions about some aspect or other of paving or hard-landscaping. Of these, at least half will already be answered somewhere on the site but the questioner just can't be arsed to look for the answer and believes I have nowt better to do with my time but write out, for the umpteenth time, exactly what mix of mortar they should use to lay their patios flags.
Of the remaining 50%, half of them (25%) will be completely undeserving of an answer, such as "would you be interested in constructing my 4 square metre patio in South London? I have a
budget of 200 pounds to spend.", along with the "where's the cheapest place to buy block paving?" type questions.
Then there's the usual huddle of students with the "I was just wondering if you could give me five reasons why a capping layer might be used on a highway construction project and identify under what circumstances a capping layer might be replaced with alternative structure" coursework assignments.
Next come the "We ar number on suplier of lanscape stone in India/China/Vietnam/Brazil/Kenya (delete as applicable) and come to no your estemed busisisness through intenet".
Finally, about 12-20 of the total inbox will be genuine questions from people needing independent and impartial advice on a matter that isn't covered on the site, and I generally find answering these to be stimulating, challenging and a worthwhile use of my limited free time.
But, for some reason, last Saturday saw the highest ever percentage of utter pillock questions of the past year. I've just wasted a full hour wondering whether this is a wind-up or whether it's summat to do with the changing seasons. How would you deal with these?? (Names have been removed to protect the identity of the mentally enfeebled)....
I receive over 200 emails each day, and roughly half of these will be questions about some aspect or other of paving or hard-landscaping. Of these, at least half will already be answered somewhere on the site but the questioner just can't be arsed to look for the answer and believes I have nowt better to do with my time but write out, for the umpteenth time, exactly what mix of mortar they should use to lay their patios flags.
Of the remaining 50%, half of them (25%) will be completely undeserving of an answer, such as "would you be interested in constructing my 4 square metre patio in South London? I have a
budget of 200 pounds to spend.", along with the "where's the cheapest place to buy block paving?" type questions.
Then there's the usual huddle of students with the "I was just wondering if you could give me five reasons why a capping layer might be used on a highway construction project and identify under what circumstances a capping layer might be replaced with alternative structure" coursework assignments.
Next come the "We ar number on suplier of lanscape stone in India/China/Vietnam/Brazil/Kenya (delete as applicable) and come to no your estemed busisisness through intenet".
Finally, about 12-20 of the total inbox will be genuine questions from people needing independent and impartial advice on a matter that isn't covered on the site, and I generally find answering these to be stimulating, challenging and a worthwhile use of my limited free time.
But, for some reason, last Saturday saw the highest ever percentage of utter pillock questions of the past year. I've just wasted a full hour wondering whether this is a wind-up or whether it's summat to do with the changing seasons. How would you deal with these?? (Names have been removed to protect the identity of the mentally enfeebled)....
- On page 41 of a brochure I picked up at my local garden centre it shows some nice slabs. What walling would you suggest to go with them?
- Do they sell these in New Zealand?
- I've salvaged a whole lot of roof slates from my cottage. Can I use these to tile my bathroom?
- I can't find this product in Home Depot or Lowe's. Where can I get it in Cincinnati?
- How much is this and do you deliver to Torquay?
- Was it you that layed (sic) my patio last summer?
- My drive measures 32 square metres. How much block paving will I need?
- Is it too warm to lay slabs today?
- I've been asked to lay the kerbs for a 100m long road. Do I lay them on concrete or something else? And should I leave gaps between them to allow the tarmac to drain?
- I've just set-up a landscaping business but I don't like mortar pointing. Can I tell my clients that dry sand will be OK between the Indian flagstones?
- How big is my patio? How can I measure it?
- Is Thompson's Patio Seal dangerous and what are the chemicals in it?
- AT FRONT OF HOUSE HAVE FLAT CLADDING BETWEEN UPPER & GROUND FLOOR WINDOWS. BOW/BAY STYLE REPLACEMENT WINDOWS HAVE BEEN FITTED & WANT TO CHANGE THE CLADDING BETWEEN THEM INTO A CURVED SECTION TO MATCH THE UPPER WINDOW
- Do you think I'd be able to lay my driveway?
- My drive has faded. What can I do?
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Absolute corkers. I'm so happy you get them and not me!
I did a quote for someone a couple of weeks ago for a patio and, after measuring up, I asked when he would be looking to have the work done. He replied, "I'm going to be doing it myself, I just need you to deliver the stone." I was honestly speechless!
Rich.
I did a quote for someone a couple of weeks ago for a patio and, after measuring up, I asked when he would be looking to have the work done. He replied, "I'm going to be doing it myself, I just need you to deliver the stone." I was honestly speechless!
Rich.
# posted by 
: 11 September 2007 14:28:00 +01:00
: 11 September 2007 14:28:00 +01:00
ROFL dont forget to include the instructions from marshall's M-joint
a worthy inclusion for the *mcCormack awards*
similar to the darwin awards but given to eejits on paving forums,a free bag of geofix for the winner i reckon
nice one tony
regards LLL
a worthy inclusion for the *mcCormack awards*
similar to the darwin awards but given to eejits on paving forums,a free bag of geofix for the winner i reckon
nice one tony
regards LLL
# posted by : 11 September 2007 20:27:00 +01:00
: 11 September 2007 20:27:00 +01:00
I got the pecker breaking out an existing slab full of reinforcing. some prat out of the office asked "are going to remove the concrete and re-bar before you" lay the sub base? you can guess my answer.
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# posted by : 16 September 2007 11:24:00 +01:00
: 16 September 2007 11:24:00 +01:00 Links to this post:
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