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Posted: Sat Nov 28, 2009 2:37 pm
by IanMelb
Well, the Mrs and I invested our savings sending a 17 year old over to the States to complete his final year of 'High School' play on the school basketball team (he's 6'9") and hopefully get picked up for a sports scholarship at one of their Colleges.
Within 3 months of his 10 month stay he's been kicked out. Broke the rules of the programme, skipped some school, broke down all trust with the father of the family that was looking after him, etc. Didn't get to play even one game of basketball - team trials took place on the day he flew home.
So he's back here, sleeping all day, no job, no motivation, no qualifications, no fecking use to man nor beast. He's not bringing any money in and is not even helping around the house.
The Mrs was devastated at first and was keen to kick him up the arse and get him working or get him out. Unfortunately she seems to be softening and turning back to the 'nurturing' mother that helped turn him into such a waste of space in the first place. As he's not my natural son I tend to get overruled a lot on the stuff that she thinks may seem 'unfair' (like changing the locks on the doors during one of the few times we manage to get him out of the house).
The useless lump is 18 in two weeks time and then we're no longer legally responsible for him - I wonder if that's crossed his selfish little mind yet?
Phew, needed to get that off my chest. Time for a brew, methinks ...
Posted: Sat Nov 28, 2009 4:22 pm
by lutonlagerlout
i feel for you ian,maybe try and look at it from his perspective ,you might not be so angry towards him
i was a waster from 22-25 and eventually you grow out of it, or locked up
I had a chat with my father in law and what he said turned my life around
maybe he needs his biological dad or a father figure he respects to have a word in his shell like?
all the best
LLL
Posted: Sat Nov 28, 2009 5:22 pm
by seanandruby
I know where you are coming from ian. but i reckon you need to take him out for a pint and lay the cards on the table. Talk to him like he is your son and show him some direction. At the moment he is probably feeling a bit of a failure to you and his mother. As there isn't a lot of work about, maybe you could give him a few jobs to do for pocket money. Have a family meal and tell him he has to attend, then all discuss his prospects, lay down some ground rules. Tell him he has to do a bit of work around the house. After all my boys left home, i ended up in your situation with my wife's three boys. They all decided to come to ours and stay. in the end it worked out ok. Dont go off to his mother about him because in the end the maternal instincts kick in and she will defend him. Also it is good to talk to someone like step parent association.
Posted: Sat Nov 28, 2009 8:25 pm
by Mikey_C
you and your Mrs need to come from a united front. you know and understand her better than him. work her round to a position that is close to yours as possible then work on him, this may not be quick. then you can start with him, phrases that stick in my mind from my early years are "earning or learning" "rent and board is set at doll money, therefore you might as well be earning" "you can do what ever you want during the day, but you will leave the house when I do and get let back in when I come home" all fine words spoken by my dad that made me the man I am today!!
Posted: Sun Nov 29, 2009 1:26 am
by lutonlagerlout
there is feck all jobs for yoofs today mikey
LLL
Posted: Sun Nov 29, 2009 8:30 am
by seanandruby
Assuming you mikey are of my generation? Most of us were kicked out of bed and made to either, get a job, or walk the streets. When as LLL says: '' there is feck all work about.'' that is harsh treatment, and i , personally, would'nt put the milk bottles out in this present weather. Doing that it wont be long before the police are knocking at the door, because he is bound to try and get a few quid one way, or t'other :;): Talking and guidance are the best tools for this job. He is after all just being a normal teenager. It is frustrating and i do still get angry at times but it will come right in the end, trust me.
Posted: Sun Nov 29, 2009 9:05 am
by GB_Groundworks
i moved out at 18 to go uni, had my own place so you soon learn responsibility and taking care of a place but being at uni you get lazy haha, till i went on placement for 2 years in munich, didn't miss one day and i was never late, kinda thought i was on a personal mission to break teh stereo type of the british compared to the german workers. ended up running a team of 8 full time employees across europe even though i was a student, that went down like a sh*t sandwich with the full timers haha. the 3 other english students who i was with were a waste of time always throwing sickies and just sitting in the office on the phone or surfing the net.
so my point we're all prone to a lazy phase especially at 18, i spent my youth every school holiday working on my dads sites from the age of about 11, even for £20 a day its amazing what a motivating factor money is. just stop buying him anything, if he wants to go out or get clothes etc he's gonna have to work, theres work out there if you'll work hard for not good money but still better than lying in bed. but you'll need to get you and the mrs singing from the same song book no good her being the soft touch and giving him money because she feels sorry.
me and my sister still go through our mum if we need or want anything haha and we're 27 and 32,
i have the opposite problem that its sunday morning and my little'un was up at 7 wanting to come downstairs for tea and to get his diggers out....
what did he do out there? was it booze related as i guess must be weird coming from here were i was in pubs at 15 drinking pints of bitter and playing pool, or at teh rugby club or sometimes on street corners to go to america where its like the biggest sin in the world to drink under 21. most states you can drive a 2 ton suv, get married, own a gun and die for your country before you can be trusted to drink a beer........ still wants a clip round the ear for being a tit, i bet he's regretting it, the chance for a good year and all those american girls haha.
Posted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 9:30 am
by seanandruby
My wifes youngest 16, who we've had a lot of hag with, laying about, throwing tantrums etc: started last week doing part time jobbing builder. He has done well so far. I had day off today for dentist so was up early. My wife drops him off on way to her job. I noticed she had to get him up, iron his clothes, make sure he has his key, money etc; whilst he was preening himself in the mirror 
So all in all there is hope ian, a step in the right direction. He only gets a pony a day, and with the present weather, hats off to him. There is hope for your lad, as there was nobody as bad as our lad for laying about expecting room service. :;): I give him plenty of encouragement, tell him he is doing well and top up his money, if he needs any.
Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2009 12:18 am
by IanMelb
Cheers everyone.
Yeah, well, it's settling down, after a right good 'ripping of a new one' the other day and now he seems to be 'trying' to look for a job, at least he's trying to get out of the bed during the daylight hours.
He got kicked out of the programme in the States for breaking their rules, and not respecting the host family. There was a lass involved and maybe some fermented liquids.
It's going a bit smoother at the moment, we'll have to see how long it lasts.
Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2009 9:30 am
by seanandruby
IanMelb wrote:Cheers everyone.
There was a lass involved and maybe some fermented liquids.
It's going a bit smoother at the moment, we'll have to see how long it lasts.
Always the case ....wine, women and song 
It's good to replace the arguments with talking. He'll get there mate, fair play to you for trying.
Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2009 8:49 pm
by Mikey_C
If there aren't any paying jobs for youths, then it's time for training, education or charity work so you don't get out of the habit of getting up! that way if/when things come good your CV looks different to the lad who sat on his arse for the last year! anyway I thought they were always looking for postmen, especially at this time of year!
don't forget Ian he is probably a little disappointed in himself for fecking up, especially over a bird!! If he had made it as basket ball player he would have been beating them off with a stick!
Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 6:58 pm
by rab1
and a lot better than sitting in bed all day beating his stick :;):