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Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 11:34 pm
by bobbi o
Subject: Critical Alert.
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and
have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon though,
security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit
Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940
When tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised
from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued
a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in
France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
paralysing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of
alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "shout loudly and
excitedly" to "elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain,
"ineffective combat operations" and "change sides".
The Germans also increased their alert state from "disdainful arrogance"
to "dress in uniform and sing marching songs". They also have two higher
levels: "invade a neighbour" and "lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual and the only
threat they worry about is NATO pulling out of Brussels
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:31 pm
by TarmacLady
ROFL
The press over here in the Colonies are doing their very best to try to convince everyone that you lot are all cowering under heavy furniture, terrified to even breathe.
If this bunch of doctors is this adept, I think I'm glad I'm not in the NHS...!!!:p
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 5:52 pm
by lutonlagerlout
If this had happened in a US airport, compared to Glasgow
Eyewitness accounts.
America:
“Oh my God! there was a man on fire, he was running about, I just ran
for my life..I thought I was gonna die, he got so close to me�
Glasgow:
“C*nt wis running aboot on fire, so a ran up n gave him a good boot,
then decked him�
America:
“I just wanna get home, away from here.. I just wanna get home, I
thought I was gonna die�
Glasgow:
“here shug, am no leaving here till am oan a f*ckin’ plane!�
America:
“there was pandemonium, people were running in all directions, we didn’t
know what was happening, I thought I was gonna die�
Glasgow:
“F*ck this fir a kerry oan, moan we’ll get a pint in�
America:
“We thought he was gonna blow us all up he had a gas canister, and was
trying to get into his trunk, I thought we were gonna die, I just ran
for my life�
Glasgow:
“a swaggered by the motor that wis on fire, and the dafty couldnae even
open his boot, he wis in fire annaw so a ran up n gave him a good boot
to the baws�
America:
“there was this huge explosion, it sounded like war, I thought I was
gonna die�
Glasgow:
“There wis a bang, yi know when yi throw BO basher intae a fire it wis
like that�
America:
“I’m too traumatised even to speak, I thought I was gonna die�
Glasgow:
“here mate, gies 2 minutes till a phone ma auld dear, if am gonna be oan
the telly a want her tae tape it�
PMSL
LLL
__ :laugh:
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 6:48 pm
by bobbi o
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 7:29 pm
by Stuarty
You know LLL, if you changed Shug to Jimmy youd be about spot on. Every body in glasgow, sorry Glesgae is called Jimmy.
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 9:08 pm
by lutonlagerlout
me maws fae greenock,so i ken
a lot of my uncles are called things like "tiffles" short for clifford apparently,wee george, and dangerous harry, stuff like that lol
cheers LLL 
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 9:57 pm
by Dave_L
Fair play to those coppers who in the first instance helped out and then apprehended these scumbags. Saw them on the news tonight.
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 10:20 pm
by Stuarty
i liked yesterdays headline in one of the papers "I kicked terrorist in the balls so hard i damaged a tendon in my foot" then in the smaller print below "And he didnt even go down"
Thats either some balls of steel, or really pish aim :p
I suppose its a good thing they made a pigs ear of their attempts, otherwise some serious loss of life could have occured.
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 11:27 pm
by IanMelb
"In spite of new anti-cigarette laws, the driver of a jeep was arrested for smoking in the entrance way of Glasgow airport..." :O
"I kicked terrorist in the balls so hard i damaged a tendon in my foot"
And in this age of 'Human Rights' and 'Victim Support' what's the betting that the nutkicker gets sued by one of the Smoking Doctors? ???
Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 4:25 pm
by TarmacLady
How dare that blimmin' doctor get in the way of that bloke's foot -- I think the guy with the bolloxed foot should sue the pants off the doctor!
Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 10:26 pm
by bobbi o
Rabbie Burns - Ode to a Terrorist
'Twas doon by the inch o' Abbots
Oor Johnny walked one day
When he saw a sicht that troubled him
Far more that he could say
A fanatic muslim b*stard
Wiz doin what he'd planned
And intae Glesca's
departure hall
A Cherokee he'd rammed.
A big Glaswegian polis
Came forward tae assist
He thocht "a wumman driver"
Or at least someone half-pissed
But to his shock nae drunken Jock
Emerged to grasp his hand
But a flamin Arab loony
Frae Al Qaeda's band
The mad Islamist nut-case
Had set hissel' on fire
And swung oot at the polis
GBH was his clear desire
Now that's no richt wur Johnny cried
And sallied tae the fray
A left hook and a heid butt
Required tae save the day.
Now listen up Bin Laden
Yir sort's nae wanted here
For imported English radicals
Us Scoatsman huv nae fear
Oor hame grown Glesca Asians
Will have nae bluidy truck
So tak yer worldwide jihad
An get yersel tae F***
Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 1:45 am
by matt h
bobbi o wrote:Rabbie Burns - Ode to a Terrorist
'Twas doon by the inch o' Abbots
Oor Johnny walked one day
When he saw a sicht that troubled him
Far more that he could say
A fanatic muslim b*stard
Wiz doin what he'd planned
And intae Glesca's
departure hall
A Cherokee he'd rammed.
A big Glaswegian polis
Came forward tae assist
He thocht "a wumman driver"
Or at least someone half-pissed
But to his shock nae drunken Jock
Emerged to grasp his hand
But a flamin Arab loony
Frae Al Qaeda's band
The mad Islamist nut-case
Had set hissel' on fire
And swung oot at the polis
GBH was his clear desire
Now that's no richt wur Johnny cried
And sallied tae the fray
A left hook and a heid butt
Required tae save the day.
Now listen up Bin Laden
Yir sort's nae wanted here
For imported English radicals
Us Scoatsman huv nae fear
Oor hame grown Glesca Asians
Will have nae bluidy truck
So tak yer worldwide jihad
An get yersel tae F***
nice ode. Sorry to see that the polis were so nice to those 'misguided' individuals. They should have done a number on them so they werent late in in meetin their messiah. Only problem now is where do we go when we need a doctor? Glad no casualties in either case,but its not going to improve race relations is it :;):
