The Brew Cabin

Posted: **Sun Apr 01, 2012 11:10 pm**

I am going to be best man at a wedding next saturday

thing is i need to have a speech but most of my experiences with the groom have been doing stuff i am sure his parents and family dont want to hear
he has no real interests apart from drinking and smoking dope
I am struggling for suitable content
any suggestions welcome
cheers LLL

Posted: **Sun Apr 01, 2012 11:28 pm**

The speech should be short and succinct otherwise it'll bore. This is the absolute key!

Use no notes at all, be mildly provocative (to keep the guests amused and enthralled), make jokes at your expense and that of the guests (not the groom), make an admiring comment about the bride and don't get too nostalgic.

If you do this, you should be fine!

Posted: **Mon Apr 02, 2012 12:15 am**

a bit short notice, but for my last best mans speech i did a bit of research got stories off the grooms folks, brothers, old school mates etc. i took any funny stories and made them into a timeline of his early days up to the present day. that way there were no 'in jokes' and everyone had a chance of relating to it. i told everyone about the time his mum found his porn mags under his bed, his nickname at school and upset his brothers by insinuating that their mum had an affair with the ginger milkman.

i also stole an idea i heard from someone about saying that his wild days are over, and he wanted to prove this by returning a few mementoes to previous conquests. i bought some sexy panties and walked round the room handing them to a few single girls i knew, then finished off by handing a massive pair of y-fronts to the fattest bloke in the room. it helps knowing your audience though

Posted: **Mon Apr 02, 2012 7:22 am**

cheers guys
sadly his soon to be wife would glass me for the knicker stunt

short and sweet is the key methinks
LLL

Posted: **Mon Apr 02, 2012 7:22 am**

bloody hell cookie I thought those days were over you're lucky to have made it out alive after that. I really try and keep my speeches short and sweet with just a hint of his old days but mention nothing about women. Speeches work well if you can do the mc bit aswell that way you can throw the odd joke and story in then hand the mic over. At a wedding last year i handed the mic to an msp after telling the guests he'll be delivering his speech through the medium of modern dance and on one was to laugh at him. Seeing a politician fluff the first 20 seconds of his speech was very funny and everyone was heckling him and shouting dance monkey boy.

Posted: **Mon Apr 02, 2012 5:53 pm**

Ted wrote:make jokes at your expense and that of the guests (not the groom)

I thought the whole point was making jokes about the groom.

I've done 2 of these and both times I ripped the groom to shreds. Obviously you dont mention women or anything like that but you've got too have a good laugh at the grooms expense.

Dont want to add any pressure Tony but the best mans speech is the main event after the wedding itself, so its got too be entertaining for everybody.

I was at a wedding recently where the best mans speech went on for 45 minutes and it was a real drag. I was also at one in October at a speech that went on for half an hour which was brilliant.

You shouldnt be dictated by time, most important thing is to say what you need to say

Posted: **Mon Apr 02, 2012 6:11 pm**

My best man announced that you should never speak publicly for longer than you can make love, then sat down, job done

Posted: **Mon Apr 02, 2012 6:31 pm**

think you have cracked it davey
last year was at a wedding and the father of the bride waffled on interminably (about 45minutes) a load of crap stories
there is nothing i can say in front of his family that will make it good,he is the black sheep after all
cheers LLL

Posted: **Mon Apr 02, 2012 8:10 pm**

and dont forget to smile .... lol

Posted: **Mon Apr 02, 2012 8:25 pm**

cheers simon, smile by worzel gummidge

TBH I have probably got more teeth than anyone else going
the groom is off for an extensive holiday in due course and i have a feeling the wedding is part of a masterplan to appease the beak :;):
short and sweet is definitely the key
LLL

Posted: **Mon Apr 02, 2012 8:35 pm**

Talking about best men:
Do you know the REAL definition of disappointment?

It's when you go to a nudist wedding and find out that your'e NOT the best man...

Posted: **Mon Apr 02, 2012 10:13 pm**

Yeh, I hate it when that happens :laugh:

Posted: **Sun Apr 08, 2012 11:17 am**

flowjoe wrote:My best man announced that you should never speak publicly for longer than you can make love, then sat down, job done

bingo davey!
people outside having a crafty fag missed it :;):
i printed off about 7 pages of loren ipsum just to gee the groom up but it was all over in around 15 seconds,the missus reckoned the speech was 10 seconds too long?
epic drink started at 12 and got in at 2 this morning feeling decidedly ropey
LLL

Posted: **Mon Apr 09, 2012 10:53 pm**

lutonlagerlout wrote:think you have cracked it davey
last year was at a wedding and the father of the bride waffled on interminably (about 45minutes) a load of crap stories
there is nothing i can say in front of his family that will make it good,he is the black sheep after all
cheers LLL

i was at a wedding in majorca and the father of teh groom started out with in 1964..... feck me 30 mins later he was just about upto the groom being born.....

me as photographer and best mate of groom and a few ushers loudly told him to getting a fecking move on or he was going in the pool, 10 mins more had him finished.

The Brew Cabin

Best man speech